COACH LONELINESS World Sport Coach Craig Johns

4 WAYS TO OVERCOME COACH LONELINESS IN 2020

By Craig Johns

COACH loneliness is a real problem affecting the sport industry. Have you ever felt lonely, isolated and there is no one you can speak to, as a coach? Well, you are not alone!

COACH loneliness does hinder your job performance and productivity. As a COACH you have a high level of responsibility, pressure to deliver results, expectation to remain calm, relentless rigour to turn up and an increasing level of confidentiality. Has COACH loneliness invaded your life?

COACH’s may find it difficult to speak about their biggest challenges, complex problems or strongest fears with their co-coaches, committee members or if working in national sport organisation, the high performance manager. They also struggle to confide in their friends outside of the coaching environment as they feel they don’t have the depth and breadth of understanding the challenges that they face. There is also the risk of sharing information and doubts as it could catalyse rumours. 

The lack of privacy that has occurred, as a result of technology, has opened the door to greater public and media scrutiny, and therefore a grey area of what is and isn’t private and public life. To compound this, there are also developing expectations that COACHes should increase their transparency, vulnerability and openness to become a better coach.

 “With great power comes great responsibility”. SPIDERMAN

As a result, COACH’s quite often experience social isolation as the number of people they can confide in shrinks. Sometimes the number of people COACH’s confide in reduces to a level where they don’t feel comfortable speaking with anyone about the important topics, things that keep them up at night and the tough decisions that need to be made. This occurs because they find it difficult to make it relatable to people who are not experiencing the same challenges and also the risk of confidentiality being breached.

When pressure comes on and issues arise, many COACHes will try and fix them without reaching out for help, both internally and externally. Poor decisions and escalated problems can occur, and it is at these times when you need to depend on people you have built trust and relationships over a number of years.

According to a study completed by the University of Chicago, social isolation affects human behavior and how the brain operates. fMRI scans showed there is a decrease in the activity of the parts of the brain associated with rewards and seeing things from other people’s perspectives in lonely people versus non-lonely people. The research suggested that loneliness might be accentuated as lonely individuals may seek to “find relative comfort in nonsocial rewards”. (Cacioppo et al. 2009)

In the PNAS Journal in 2015, research by Cole et al, identified how flight-or-fight responses triggered by perceived social isolation (PSI) and loneliness can lead to illness and premature death. PSI and loneliness can adversely affect sleep patterns, stress hormones, inflammation in the body, production of white blood cells, and executive function, learning and memory (Bergland, 2015).

As a COACH, it is critical that you learn how to overcome the feelings of loneliness to improve your health, home-life and work productivity. It is important to proactively build and develop emotional connections with a broad range of people, as it leads to increased collective positive emotions and well being.

The important question is – Who can you speak with when the going gets tough and the challenges become overwhelming?

Here are 4 Ways To Overcome COACH Loneliness:

1. BUILD A TEAM OF MENTORS

These are the people whom you can consult with when faced with challenges and problems where the answer may not be clear. They are people who are curious, like to ask questions, be prepared to listen and at times make you feel uncomfortable by challenging you to consider other approaches. It is valuable to have a diverse range of mentors, who aren’t just like you. You want people who you trust their advice and opinions, but most importantly will provide the hard truths and perspectives from a different angle.

Personally I ensure that my mentors come from different industries, cultures and age ranges. Having a mentor who is younger than you is just as powerful as having someone older with lots of wisdom. Who are the 3 to 6 people you need in your life that give you the confidence, clarity and perspective you need.

2. CREATE WORK-LIFE INTEGRATION

Successful COACHes are congruent with their values and character whether they are at home or in the COACHing environment. Work is part of life, so the theory of work-life balance may not be the best approach. Work-Life Integration is all about understanding that work is part of life and we need to effectively manage the boundaries between when we are working and we are doing other components of our life. Your body and mind needs the space to recharge, rejuvenate and reimagine.

Having space in your life for relationships, exercise, freeing your mind and other passions is important in providing opportunities for an outlet, growth, success and diversifying your perspective. It also can provide motivation and inspiration not only to yourself, but other people when you have a passion or two outside the workplace. The relationships; whether family, social or work-related, in your life are important. If you have a partner and/or children then it maybe useful to find time with your family before they go to bed and create a cue to ensure you are present when spending valuable time with them. What changes will you make in 2020 to ensure that you have an outlet and focus outside of COACHing?

3. JOIN A COACH SUPPORT GROUP

Having a COACH support group or mastermind is different to a team of mentors who you are likely to consult and confide in individually. COACH support groups meet on a regular basis, whether that is weekly, monthly, quarterly or even yearly. It’s a group that is likely to be diverse in nature and provides the psychological safety to discuss, brainstorm and challenge solutions to problems, ideas or challenges that people in the group face.

These groups provide a sense of belonging; an honest feedback mechanism where they act as a nurturer, mirror or provider of truth; and can also function as celebrator, motivator and inspirer. They enable you to find clarity and most importantly perspective. An extra bonus is that support groups allow you to form connections that help alleviate stress, anxiety and improve mental health. What COACH mastermind or support group will help you go to the next level in 2020?

4. EMBRACE THE INCLUSIVITY OF COURAGE AND VULNERABILITY

In the past vulnerability may be seen as a weakness, when in fact it is actually a strength. We grow through adversity, changing our environment and challenging the status quo. Courage and vulnerability are inclusive. Without vulnerability we cannot be courageous and without courage we cannot find the strength to speak up and be vulnerable. As a COACH it is ok to say you don’t have an answer, that you were wrong, are feeling a lack in confidence and that other peoples answers are better.

Having vulnerable discussions helps to build psychological safety within your team or between stakeholders. Vulnerability cultivates trust and respect from others, while creating the space for others to speak up about problems, issues or feelings they have. It fosters discussion about key problems and allows people with different perspectives to provide solutions that may not have surfaced before. As a COACH you need to lead by example by taking the first step to showcasing that vulnerability is positive and a key pillar to growth in your coaching group and life. How will you let your guard down, put your ego to the side and create a space for vulnerability and courage to flourish in your work or COACHing environment?

It is important to remember that we do not succeed on our own. There is no instant solution or cure to COACH loneliness, and it requires patience and time to create a strong support network and environment. It is important to that as an influential leader that you identify and build strong team of mentors and support group for valuable guidance when there is uncertainty, difficulty confronts us and we need to celebrate successes in life. Take the time to reflect and then recognize how the 4 Ways To Overcome COACH Loneliness can you help you rise up and become a better COACH in 2020.   

If you need someone to talk to or would like to join a sport coach mastermind group, then please go to the World Sport Coach coach services page.

References:

  1. Cacioppo et al. (2009) What Are the Brain Mechanisms on Which Psychological Processes Are Based? Perspectives on Psychological Science, 2009; 4 (1): 10 Link
  2. Bergland, C. (2015) Loneliness: Perceived Social Isolation Is Public Enemy No. 1 Psychology Today, 23rd November 2015. Link
  3. Comerford, C. (2018) Loneliness: The Executive Challenge No One Talks About. Forbes, 7th July 2018. Link

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Beyond The Comfort Zone Link
High Performers Cultivate More Powerful Traits Link
Are You Seeing The Big Picture? Link
Are Leaders Born? Link
A Step Ahead Of The Game Link
I Make No Apologies This Is Me! Link

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Craig Johns High Performance Leadership Beyond The Comfort Zone

BEYOND THE COMFORT ZONE

By Craig Johns

A comfort zone is a wonderful place, but nothing ever grows there.

Successful people have the unique ability to perform under high levels of pressure. Pressure comes from internal and external expectations, and as the stakes rise, fear grows. Being able to deal with fear and the uncomfortable feelings that are associated, you have to be better prepared to control your state of mind.

Why do we feel uncomfortable? That uncomfortable feeling comes from going into a place where you have never been before. You are making a change and disrupting the way your mind and body are used to doing something. It might be doing something for the first time or doing something you haven’t done for a while. It could be doing something you are used to, but the conditions or parameters have changed.

When you first experience a struggle and you feel uncomfortable, you start to second-guess yourself. Remember nothing in life comes easy and the greatest satisfaction is the result of overcoming something that takes us out of our comfort zone and takes us to a whole new level. You need a mindset of being comfortable with the uncomfortable. This is the price of progression.

“If you want something in life that you have never had, you will have to do something that you have never done.” UNKNOWN

Craig Johns High Performance Leadership Beyond The Comfort Zone

8 ways to take you beyond the comfort zone:

SHOW UP

You will feel most uncomfortable when you take the first step and make a decision to start. That commitment to get off the start-line means the battle is half done. Most great ideas never get started, but once you have taken the first step, the real work begins. You made a choice, a commitment, and now you need to show up.

ONE STEP IN FRONT OF THE OTHER

Sometimes your actions don’t go to plan. You may not be seeing results, the progress is slow, and you are being told that it won’t work or self-doubt is kicking in. This is the point where everyone considers giving up and start asking themselves, “why am I doing this?”. At this point you have to be brave and be ready to answer honestly. Your purpose needs to be crystal clear, because this is when the true battle begins and it is the time to shine.

FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT

Fear kills more dreams than failure, so you have to control the controllable’s and brainwash yourself with lots of positive affirmations and thoughts. Pretend to be confident and visualize how it will look. Preparation and belief are your best friends.

EMBRACE ‘THE SUCK’

If it were easy, everyone would be doing it. Deal with the adversity, the challenge, the pain, or the uncomfortable feeling by welcoming it with open arms. Make it your friend, as ‘the suck’ is the reason that is going to make you better. You are building your mental and physical toughness, which leads to greater levels of resilience.

SURROUND YOURSELF

Create a team and environment that supports the challenge. An environment that is positive and provides you with the feedback required to deal with the positive and negative thoughts, and perceived obstacles to achieve your goal.

PUSHING THE ENVELOPE

To continually extend the boundaries of what you thought was possible, you need to understand how you overcome uncomfortable experiences in the past. Use your understandings to build your confidence. Start to notice the patterns of your thoughts and record them. Record the characteristics of your fears, such as when does it appear, where does your mind wander, how do you cope with it and how you construct your intentions to deal with it. Create an internal culture of reveling in achievement and understanding how you deal with situations.

REPETITION

Your mind and body are comfortable with familiarity. The more you perform in an uncomfortable state, the more confidence you will develop. It is a mindset you have to develop, so you can allow your thoughts and emotions to adapt and grow.

TAKE ACTION

What rituals and behaviors can you create, so that each day you feel more comfortable with the uncomfortable? Once you have developed these actions, you need to be patient and be prepared for the long-game, as it will take some to become an automatic part of your life. Over time you will feel more confident, empowered and prepared to face the uncomfortable more often. The result of this process is a life of growth, excitement and success.

LEARN MORE

High Performers Cultivate More Powerful Traits Link
Are You Seeing The Big Picture? Link
Are Leaders Born? Link
A Step Ahead Of The Game Link
I Make No Apologies This Is Me! Link

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HIGH PERFORMERS CULTIVATE MORE POWERFUL TRAITS Craig Johns World Sport Coach

HIGH PERFORMERS CULTIVATE MORE POWERFUL TRAITS

By Craig Johns

It doesn’t matter what industry, the high performers are far more effective at cultivating more powerful traits. We touch on eight highly effective traits that unleash their potential and rise above the rest.

MORE WITH LESS

High performers look to consolidate and improve the efficiency by focusing on the increasing the ‘outputs that matter’. They reduce products, services and other outputs that don’t matter and focus on making the main thing, the main thing.

Being able to see four or five steps ahead, understanding what the needle-moving requirements are that will get them there, and determining what the distractions are that they need to avoid, allows a high performer to always be in control of their destiny. They are also effective at identifying the must-have skills needed to accomplish those steps, and then will work obsessively to develop them.

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Photo by MontyLov on Unsplash

PROACTIVE LISTENERS & OBSERVERS

To perform at your best you need to be a proactive listener and observer. If done effectively you can extract up to three to five times more information than the normal person.

Improving your listening and observation skills requires the discipline to reduce distractions and be proactive in focusing your attention. Most people aren’t aware or don’t understand how unobservant they are.

Keep phones and other attention seeking distractions out of meetings, conversations and other communication tasks. Take notes during conferences and meetings, and keep a journal to record your activities and reflections. Make eye contact during interactions with others and practice active listening skills.

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Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

BE COURAGEOUS

During times of hardship, taking a large risk, facing fear, dealing with the unknown or coping with judgment, high performers speak up for themselves. They share their truth and also speak up for others more often.

High performers honor the struggle, as they know that struggling is a natural part of the process when dealing with challenges. They can handle the struggle, because they expect it. They show up and appreciate the hard times and don’t complain during the process.

Rather than focusing on changing the world, decide on whom you’re doing it for and then work hard for them. Be prepared to serve for someone who needs help and then develop the kind of character that will help them deserve the outcome they desire.

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Photo by Zeyn Afuang on Unsplash

FAIL FAST

High Performers view themselves as imperfect, and allow for mistakes and subsequent learning. They embrace failing, tend to fail fast, and use failure as a learning opportunity.

Under pressure they have the ability to assess their actions differently than the average person. They are able to let go quicker, whereas low-achievers tend to fall into a ‘broken record’ of embarrassment, guilt and shame.

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Photo by Quino Al on Unsplash

Raise necessity

Do you know what your purpose or what your underlying reason why is? Determine ‘why’ it is important to succeed every single day. Be bold, put yourself out there, and place your identity on the line.

A deep sense of identity, with performing with excellence, is a necessity for high performers. They will bring their focus back through raising the necessity so they enter with a high level of intention, so they perform with excellence. They will ask themselves “who needs me to be on my A-Game right now?”, whether it is family, team, peers or athletes. How often do you prime your mental ability to perform an activity well?

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Fully Commit & Seek Clarity

Most people avoid expressing all their thoughts and feelings when dealing with situations of high pressure. This can lead to unnecessary miscommunication and tension as the recipient feels they have heard all that was meant to be said, and responds accordingly.

A high performer seeks clarity more often as they want to understand why. The average person will jump to judgment based on only 5% of the available information, and therefore can easily mis-read the tone of an email or conversation. These judgments can truly harm us, especially in the digital age, where we can be quick to read and respond with emotion.

It is valuable to grasp what the intention is, what is important and what matters? By using self-reflection, evaluation, and making changes more often, you can sift out distractions and refocus on what is important.

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Develop Influence

You learn more about yourself when you teach others. Through teaching people how to think and challenging them to grow, you change their lives. When you impact someone else’s thoughts, in a positive way, you have influence. Remember to tell them to be their best.

The more comfortable someone is around you, the more likely you are to be able to influence them. Be relaxed and create rapport with the person you are trying to influence, as you are more likely to persuade them if they like and trust you. Listen to the people you are trying to influence, ask the right questions, be aware of their body language and be patient.

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Generate More Energy

If you want to perform at your best you need to develop the ability to switch off, recharge and maximize your ‘transitions’. Transitions are the times in your day when you switch from one task to another, such as the time in between meetings, driving to and from work, grabbing a coffee and eating lunch.

High performers will generate energy during the day, rather than losing it. Try giving your mind and body a break every 45-60 minutes. Where possible, plan and schedule chunks of time to recharge. Take a quick break, close your eyes, or meditate as the short psychological break can release tension and focus, so you are primed for the next activity.

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World Sport Coach COmmonwealth Games Henri Schoeman

A STEP AHEAD OF THE GAME

By Craig Johns

How will you be a step ahead of the game? You cannot take a backward step or watch from the back of the bus. Firstly, you will only ever see the back of your competitors and secondly, you will be too late to correct the wheel when the bus overshoots the bend.

If you are a leader, then you need to be a step ahead of the game when it comes to the future and having a winning culture.

STEP 1 – FUTURE

As a leader it is your role to identify – What problem has yet to be solved? A problem that, if solved, has a positive impact on the way people live.

You need to create a solution that shapes the future and gives you the competitive advantage. Taking a proactive lead ensures that you set the standard for everyone else, who, if not on their A-game, will turn their focus to chasing and following you, rather than keeping their eye on the prize.

“A GOOD hockey player plays where the puck is. A GREAT hockey player plays where the puck is going to be.”
WAYNE GRETZKY

Most overnight successes occur through clever foresight, smart planning and a lot of hard work, rather than the one in a million lottery ticket approach. You need to look ahead and know what the game will look like in 5, 10 or even 25 years time and then you need to do everything possible, to be the first across the line.

Starting with the question – Wouldn’t it be great if we … ? – allows you to establish a starting point for determining what problem has yet to be solved. Apple asked the question – wouldn’t it be great if we could sell singles rather than albums? This led to iTunes and the iPod being solutions to the problem of not having an easily accessible platform, which the music industry trusted, to access and listen to singles rather than albums.

“Today I will do what others won’t, so tomorrow I can do what others can’t.”

Your role is not to follow and react when something goes wrong or your competitors get the first run on the board. Kodak learnt the hard way when Don Strickland presented the idea of the digital camera. The Board of Directors were split on the idea and it was turned down, knowing they owned the 35mm manual camera market. Don left Kodak and took the idea to Apple, who said yes. They successfully acquired the intellectual property from Kodak and Apple changed the way we viewed and stored our memories forever, while Kodak suffered a cruel death over the following years.

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“If it doesn’t scare you, you’re probably not dreaming big enough.”
TONY BURCH

So how will you lead the future of your industry, company, team or community? Remember, the easiest way to predict the future is to create it. A great leader personifies the future and has the ability to create a world that reflects their inner world. They live in the future they invite us into.

SO WHAT PROBLEM WILL YOU BE THE FIRST TO SOLVE?